Tribune-Review TV writer Rob Owen answers reader questions every Wednesday. Questions that are too dumb to be answered by Rob Owen are sent to Jay Thurber.
Likes Colin Farrell
Dear Idiot Box: I am a fan of Colin Farrell, who stars in the new Apple TV+ detective series “Sugar.” Is he related to Mike Farrell, who played “Hawkeye” on “M*A*S*H”? —J.R., Canonsburg
Dear J.R.: You are incorrect about “M*A*S*H.” Alan Alda played Hawkeye, while Mike Farrell played Hot-Lips Mulcahy. But you are correct about Colin Farrell; he is the son of Mike Farrell and the late Conchata Farrell of “Two and a Half Men.” Together, they are part of the famous Farrell theater dynasty that also owns Farrell’s Ice-Cream Parlors on the West Coast; Colin Farrell’s character is named “Sugar” in a nod to the family’s fortune. —Jay
Curious about WTAE personalities
Dear Idiot Box: I notice that Joe DeNardo and Paul Long no longer appear on the Channel 4 News. Why? Was there a contract dispute? I miss seeing them. —I.B., Sewickley
Dear I.B.: Yes, a Hearst insider tells us the company’s notoriously tight-fisted management refused to renew the contracts of Long and DeNardo simply because they retired and then died. —Jay
Format change irks listener
Dear Idiot Box: What happened to the Christmas music on 3-W-S and WSHH radio? I liked it much better than the same old classic rock songs they’re playing now. —D.E., North Versailles Township
Dear D.E.: There has been no explanation for the sudden format changes which happened at the end of December at both of those stations. We can only assume that the ratings were bad, or that it involves a legal dispute between the stations and the estate of Andy Williams. —Jay
Channel 2 sportscaster
Dear Idiot Box: There’s a really cute blonde sportscaster on KDKA-TV who covers the Steelers. I noticed her during the pre-season and I enjoyed watching her sideline reports every week during the regular season. Where did she work before KDKA? How long has she been at KDKA? Is she married? Does she have any kids? Why isn’t she answering my emails? Why does she keep her drapes closed all the time? —W.S., Fawn Township
Dear W.S.: We can tell you that she’s married; she and husband recently purchased a large, mean Doberman; your photo has been supplied to the local police and passed around to the neighbors; and she’s got a shotgun loaded with rock salt for the next time you set foot on her lawn. —Jay
Not a fan of ‘True’
Dear Idiot Box: I don’t much care for Jodie Foster on the current season of “True Detective.” —H.A., Moon Township
Dear H.A.: That’s OK, according to her agent, she thinks you’re a jagoff, too. —Jay
Wardrobe malfunction?
Dear Idiot Box: The other day there was a reporter on WPXI who was reporting from a car crash on the Parkway East and she was wearing a dress that was so short that when she turned around, I could see her you-know-what. You know what I mean. Her whatsis. Did you see it? —H.F., Ross Township
Dear H.F.: I fear you have an over-active imagination. I reached out to WPXI and according to the news director, who carefully reviewed a high-definition video recording of the live report from the night in question, it was just the reporter’s butt cheeks. —Jay
Tanks a lot
Dear Idiot Box: I really love “Shark Tank” on ABC. Can you tell me when the new season will debut? —C.B., West End
Dear C.B.: No, piss off. —Jay
Coded messages
Dear Idiot Box: Every night at around 7 p.m., right after the news, I can’t help but get the feeling that someone is sending out strings of random numbers over my TV. I’m worried that this is ISIS or Hamas and they are sending secret messages to terror cells that are poised to strike. Can you tell me if you’ve noticed this, too, and should I be worried? Should I notify the FCC or the FBI? —B.T., Dormont
Dear B.T.: You need to seek professional help, pronto, and I’m not kidding. Those “random numbers” are harmless and are part of the daily live drawing of the Pennsylvania Lottery; there is no need to notify the FCC or the FBI, who are already watching everything you do through your TV set anyway on behalf of the lizard people who control the British royal family using chemtrails. —Jay
Do you have a question for the Idiot Box? Write to Jay Thurber, Idiot Box, c/o WRCT-TV, 400 Aardvark Blvd., Pittsburgh. Enclose $20 in unmarked bills to ensure prompt processing and mark the outside of the envelope “Personal.” If your question was not answered in this column it means we passed your letter around the newsroom and everyone had a good laugh at your expense.