Come grift with me, I’ll take a bribe, it’s true / In Mar-a-Lago, there’s a greedy schmo, who will toot his flute for you
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If you’re enough to remember an advertising campaign by National Airlines where pretty female flight attendants said things like, “I’m Marla. Fly me,” well, you should probably schedule a colon cancer screening.
I heard stories this morning that the U.S. has officially accepted a luxury jet from the Government of Qatar to be used as President Trump’s personal airplane.
Step up, step up, Mr. Art of the Deal, and win a prize!
It will likely cost another $100 million or more to rip the jet apart and make it safe for the president to fly on.
Anyway, I immediately thought of that ad campaign.
Here’s the text, in case you can’t read it:
I’m Donald. Fly Me.
You’ve met my friend Tamim. And some more friends like Vladimir, Viktor, Jong Un, Bashar, and Jinping. My friends like to give me things. Like luxury jets. My other friends, like Jeff, Mark, and Elon like to give me cash and cryptocurrency. (Whatever that is). I must be doing something they like. If you want me to do something you like, you know what to do. Just slip me some cash. Or property. Does it sound like bribery? Sure. But the Supreme Court says as long as I do it in the Oval Office while I’m President, it’s all legal. And I intend to stay President for a long, long time. Fly Donald. Fly MAGA. Donald Trump accepts Bitcoin, cash, and American Express
And here’s what the original campaign looked like:
Here’s this month’s “Pen Avenue,” my cartoon for Print, Pittsburgh’s East End newspaper. The theme is the April 29 storm that knocked out power to a large section of the county — in some neighborhoods, for several days:
Incidentally, I do not see Print before it goes to … well, print. I was surprised to see that the photo on the front page, about the storm, looked so much like my cartoon. Great minds? I’ll have to ask Ann Belser, the editor, if the cartoon influenced her photo choice.
Print is not available online; you can only read it in (what else?) print. It’s available at Giant Eagle and other stores in Pittsburgh’s East End, or subscribe on the website.
Here’s this month’s “Pen Avenue,” my cartoon for Print, Pittsburgh’s East End newspaper:
Print is not available online; you can only read it in (what else?) print. It’s available at Giant Eagle and other stores in Pittsburgh’s East End, or subscribe on the website.
They said Joe wasn’t so, but he was, and the whole world is paying for their arrogance
I used to think that Joe Biden’s presidential library should be built on the lip of an active volcano.
To me, it would symbolize that he and his team knew that the return of Donald Trump to the White House was a constant threat to the future of the United States of America and the peace and stability of the free world, and yet they pretended nothing was happening, and did almost nothing to thwart it. That includes Attorney General Merrick Garland’s half-assed prosecution of Trump’s criminal cases. “Slow” doesn’t begin to describe Garland’s behavior; “stationary” is more like it. If the Justice Department had gone any slower in attempting to bring Trump’s crimes to light, they would have been going backwards.
Now, stories are starting to emerge about how Biden’s family and staff worked to cover up evidence of his physical and mental decline, until the disastrous June 2024 debate demonstrated that the president was falling apart:
In a new book, Joe Biden’s former White House chief of staff paints a devastating picture of the then US president’s mental and physical state before the debate with Donald Trump that sent his 2024 campaign into a tailspin, resulting in his relinquishing the Democratic nomination to Kamala Harris.
According to Klain, it turned out that Biden “didn’t know what Trump had been saying and couldn’t grasp what the back and forth was”; left preparation and fell asleep by the pool; obsessed about foreign leaders, saying “these guys say I’m doing a great job as president so I must be a great president”; “didn’t really understand what his argument was on inflation”; and “had nothing to say about a second term other than finish the job.” (The Guardian, UK)
I never much trusted Joe Biden. The first time I ever saw Joe Biden on TV, I was a little kid, and he was being interviewed on NBC’s “Today” Show about his presidential campaign. It would have had to have been 1987.
What I remember most clearly was that he said to the interviewer, “I will be the next president of the United States.”
Not, “when I am,” or “if I am elected.” I will be the next president of the United States.
Even as a grade-schooler, that struck me as a shocking thing to say.
Within a few weeks, his campaign imploded when it was revealed that he’d plagiarized his campaign speech from British politician Neil Kinnock.
As I got older and began to pay attention to politics, I heard stories about his temper, arrogance, and enormous ego. I watched him grill Anita Hill after Clarence Thomas was nominated to the Supreme Court. I read stories about back-room deals that he cut on behalf of predatory banks and credit-card lenders (some people called him “the Senator from MBNA,” MBNA being a big Delaware-based credit-card company that sometimes doubled and tripled people’s interest rates without warning).
During his time as Obama’s vice president, he seemed to have mellowed. The Onion depicted him as an aging, hard-drinking surfer, waxing his Trans-Am in the White House driveway. Somehow, he morphed into America’s cool uncle. But I still didn’t trust him.
So when he ran for president again in 2020, he would have been my 12th or 13th favorite choice in the Democratic Party.
I was pleasantly surprised during his first year in office. It did, indeed, seem like a kinder, gentler Joe Biden — to quote another former president.
Then, during his second year, Biden seemed to revert to type — selfish, egotistical, and a little bit nasty and sarcastic.
That’s the guy I remembered. Not Cool Uncle Joe.
Of course, during his final two years in office, he seemed to disappear from public entirely. According to another new book, Biden was “a shell of himself” by 2023 (Vanity Fair), and everyone around him knew it.
Rumors about his decline were rampant; Republicans kept pointing out that Biden rarely spoke to reporters or held press conferences, implying that something was seriously wrong with him. Democrats replied that the Republicans were engaged in a dirty tricks campaign of character assassination; and certainly, that’s what it was, but it also apparently was more accurate than anyone knew.
His staff and family knew that he was in no shape to run for a second term. But they kept it from the public until it was too late.
And now, here we are, on the verge of an economic collapse, widespread civil unrest and the dissolution of worldwide alliances that have endured for more than 70 years.
Not only did Biden’s staff cover up his mental and physical decline, they actively worked to undermine Vice President Kamala Harris, so that when he finally dropped out of the race — much too late, everyone agrees — they had already fatally crippled her attempt to beat Trump.
Anyway, I no longer think Biden’s library should be built on the lip of an active volcano.
I now think it should be built over an active septic drainage field — a fitting monument to the hubris of a man whose shortsightedness has left the entire country sinking into the muck.
Here are some recent headlines you may have missed if you don’t follow me on social media ….
Thurston Howell III defends Trump’s record after administration levies 50% tariff on exports from Gilligan’s Island.
Following U.S. Sen. Cory Booker’s record-setting 25-hour speech, Martin Scorsese announces a plan to release a director’s cut with five additional hours of footage.
The creation of a new major league for women has raised hopes that Pittsburgh could someday get a professional baseball team.
The business genius appointed to trim the U.S. government has found new efficiencies; he’s trimmed $11B in the value of his own company.
Facing protests, Sens. McCormick and Fetterman canceled plans for an afternoon of mutual manual stimulation; they instead spent Saturday doing one of their other favorite joint activities, punching hippies.
After President Trump objected to the official painting of him that was displayed in the Colorado State Capitol, calling it “distorted,” the governor has unveiled a new, more accurate portrait.
Newly declassified documents have identified the leader of the 1963 conspiracy to assassinate JFK.
You guessed it: Frank Stallone.
And finally (and I mean that, as Michael Feldman would say), “The Passion of the Christ 2” will begin filming in August.
According to a leaked script, in the new film, Jesus (Jim Caviezel) avenges His crucifixion armed only with shards of the true cross, a crown of thorns and a high-powered automatic rifle. Also stars Scott Baio as Pontius Pilate, Jon Voight as Herod and Dean Cain as Simon Peter.
Remember, when news breaks out, we break in on Action Central Pulse Beat News!
More news any moment … More news any moment … More news any moment …
Coming up this Saturday (March 29), I’ll be at the Cleveland International Film Festival, and I’ll be talking to the organizers about several films that include pop, rock, soul and other genres of music. I’ll also be talking to my friend, Vince, who’s featured in one of the films.
If you have a music request for this Saturday, you’ll have to queue up early, as Phil Musick used to say. I won’t be able to take any phone calls during the show.
Next Saturday (April 5) is Spring Carnival weekend at Carnegie Mellon University, home of our flagship station, WRCT 88.3 FM. That means the first part of the show will likely be pre-empted on WRCT for coverage of CMU’s sweepstakes races; we’ll start the whole show at the usual time on Tube City Online Radio.
Good Lord willing, my plans are to broadcast the April 5 show from the WRCT studios on the CMU campus (in the basement of the concrete-reinforced and blast-proof Cohon Community Broadcast Bunker), rather than from our giant revolving rooftop ballroom in McKeesport.
So if you’re coming to CMU for the spring carnival, please stop by between 12 and 3 p.m. and meet me, CMU’s oldest living juvenile delinquent. I may even have some kind of crappy trinket to give away.
Also on the April 5 show, we’ll hopefully be talking to folks from Thurber House, the historic home of cartoonist, author and humorist James Thurber in Columbus, Ohio. We’re no relation but considering I stole my DJ name from him 20-plus years ago, I’m a considerable fan. Thurber House is currently suffering from some financial difficulties, so I’ll be asking what the public can do to help.
Here’s this month’s “Pen Avenue,” my cartoon for Print, Pittsburgh’s East End newspaper:
Print is not available online; you can only read it in (what else?) print. It’s available at Giant Eagle and other stores in Pittsburgh’s East End, or subscribe on the website.
In America, a profound sense of betrayal is taking root. Many supporters of President Donald Trump are suffering economic distress instead of the prosperity Trump promised. Escalating tariffs and massive government layoffs are causing them to question the choices they made at the ballot box.
Betrayed Trump voters have many reasons they voted for him: They expected him to cut waste and fraud and get criminals off the streets. Some Trump voters regret believing him when he distanced himself from Project 2025.
Jeff Bezos, the self-proclaimed “hands-off” owner of the Washington Post, emailed staffers this morning about a change he is applying to the paper’s opinion section that appears to align the newspaper more closely with the political right.
“I’m writing to let you know about a change coming to our opinion pages. We are going to be writing every day in support and defense of two pillars: personal liberties and free markets,” Bezos said.
“We’ll cover other topics too of course, but viewpoints opposing those pillars will be left to be published by others. There was a time when a newspaper, especially one that was a local monopoly, might have seen it as a service to bring to the reader’s doorstep every morning a broad-based opinion section that sought to cover all views. Today, the internet does that job.”
Bezos’s decision to inject more regular and weighty conservative theming will also see the departure of opinions editor David Shipley, although it was immediately unclear if he was fired for resisting Bezos’s direction, or chose to resign.
