Author: jaythurbershow

They say “it’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.”

This appears to be most of the Democratic Party right now:

I know the administration seems chaotic. Watching it feels like “been there, done that” to me, and I’m surprised that other people are surprised — especially people in politics, who should have known what was coming.

I have been saying — not really joking — “a lot of you had stable childhoods, and it shows.”

Anyone who had an unstable parent or spouse has seen behavior like Trump’s before, and up close, and not just eight years ago, the last time he darkened the White House’s door.

First Trump acts nuts and does or says something crazy — Colombia tariffs, TikTok ban, threatening to invade Denmark. Then he gives it back, and we’re supposed to act grateful: “Oh, thank you, daddy/mommy, you’re so good to us.”

Like an abusive parent or spouse, he demands slavering obedience and fawning praise, even when he does something wrong (especially when he does something wrong). He causes the problem, and then offers to fix it.

It’s all designed to wear you down and break you. Pretty soon you learn to be watchful and censor yourself so you don’t anger Daddy Trump any more.

Oh, you may tell yourself you’re not stooping to their level, or you’re trying to keep the peace. (Or, if you’re a Democrat, “the voters sent me here to do a job, not to react to all of the noise.”) But it’s all a case of giving into the crazy person, in order to spare yourself some of their wrath.

And what I’ve learned after 40-mumble years of fighting bullies is that lots of people will talk a good game, but they don’t have your back.

After you risk your job (or your life, or your family, or your health) standing up to the bully, then your “allies” will come (privately) and pat you in the back: “Hey, you really fought back, good job.”

More and more, my response to that is, “thank you, but where were you when I needed you? Go f–k yourself.”

You can’t shame the bullies. Sometimes you can shame your allies into action. But you can’t shame the bullies. Pointing out their hypocrisy does no good; they don’t care.

And you can’t “work with” the bullies, either. You can submit and let them do whatever they want, or you can fight.

We may eventually shame some Democrats into action, but right now, it’s like trying to get a cowering, whimpering dog out from under the bed. The Republicans are a completely lost cause.

Ed Burmila, who blogs at Gin and Tacos, and who wrote the book “Chaotic Neutral: How the Democrats Lost Their Soul in the Center,” said this week:

Things are different and there’s nothing to gain now from pretending the politics of 10 or 20 or 50 years ago apply to this moment. (The administration’s) goal is to fundamentally change the way our reality is structured and the opposition party’s plan is to refer to that as “noise” and talk about egg prices. We are not in danger, a word that implies some future calamity. The calamity is here.

The calamity is indeed here. You can hide and let it happen or you can speak up and fight back.

P.S.: Ed was a guest on my talk show when “Chaotic Neutral” came out. You can get the book here and listen to our conversation here:

I may be remembering this incorrectly — it’s been 30 years, and I have a hard time remembering which shoe goes on which foot — but I vaguely recall a scene from the short-lived cartoon sitcom “The Critic.”

Jay Sherman (Jon Lovitz) has just suffered some humiliation at the hands of his bosses or a Hollywood star. He turns to the camera and says, “Well, at least I have my dignity!”

And his pants fall down.

I think of that every time the Democrats pat themselves on the back for upholding traditional norms and values.

Joe Biden greeted Donald Trump at the White House with the words, “Welcome home,” and then sat down for tea with him. U.S. Sen. Chuck Schumer, the Senate Democratic leader, pledged yesterday, “It is time to look to the future … the Senate must respond with resolve, bipartisanship, and fidelity to the working and middle class of this country.” All nice and cozy!

And then the Proud Boys, a far-right white nationalist group, marched through the streets of Washington chanting, “Whose streets? Our streets,” and Donald Trump signed an executive order banning transgender people, and Elon Musk got up and gave a (????) salute twice.

(Mr. Musk made what our “liberal” media called an “awkward gesture” and NBC News helpfully cut away from the salute so that many viewers didn’t see it.)

Chuck Schumer wants bipartisanship with people who are doing what look like Nazi salutes and denying that entire groups of people they don’t like exist.

At least the Democrats have their dignity.

Somebody check to see if Chuck’s pants have fallen down yet.

News item:

President-elect Donald Trump refused on Tuesday to rule out using military or economic action to pursue acquisition of the Panama Canal and Greenland, part of a broader expansionist agenda he has promoted since winning the Nov. 5 election.

Trump, who takes office on January 20, also floated the idea of turning Canada into a U.S. state, said he would demand far higher defense spending from NATO allies and promised to change the name of the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America.

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He also rambled for several minutes about water pressure in showers. He’s obsessed with water pressure in showers; it’s an issue he explored at length at his rallies, as well.

Here, now, is an exact transcript of what he said during his incoherent press conference at Mar-a-Lago. As you read this, remember three things.*

First: This man will have access to the U.S. nuclear launch codes in 12 days.

Second: A lot of people didn’t want to vote for Joe Biden because they thought he was senile.

And finally: Americans knew that Donald Trump was like this, and they voted for him anyway, including a majority of our fellow Pennsylvania residents.

OK. Ready? Now, here are the president-elect’s thoughts on water pressure:

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TRANSCRIPT OF THE PRESIDENT-ELECT'S REMARKS

"And they have already started that, too. When you buy a faucet, no water comes out because they want to preserve–. Even in areas that have so much water, you don’t know what to do. It’s called rain, comes down from comes down from heaven.

"And they want to do no, no water comes out of the shower. It goes drip, drip, drip. So what happens? You’re in the shower ten times as long, you know, no water comes out of the faucet.

"You want to wash your hands, your he–. They want to go back to even stronger than what they have right now. As you know, I ended that policy. I get you can have all the water you want. Makes no difference. Especially in certain areas. We have so much water, we don’t know what to do with it."

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“Clear as mud,” as my high-school algebra teacher used to say.

(And Joe Biden was the one who seemed confused and appeared to ramble?)

Anyway. So everyone has a big freak-out on Tuesday about Greenland and Panama, and the news that Trump wants to rename the Gulf of Mexico.

Is he actually going to declare war on Denmark and take Greenland by force? Who knows? Maybe? Or is he just distracting everyone? Or is he just blurting out whatever comes into his head?

Because we know that he has the attention span and work ethic of a toddler. In fact, I’m not convinced he understands “object permanence.” I suspect that if everyone in Greenland covered their eyes, in peek-a-boo fashion, Donald Trump would think they’d become invisible.

He’s fascinated by whatever the latest shiny object that crosses his path might be.

People think Trump is some kind of mastermind. He’s not. He’s not playing 3D chess; he’s playing “Hi-Ho Cherry-O” and eating the pieces when no one is looking.

Which begs the question: How feckless do the Democrats have to be to keep losing to this guy? Well: Pretty damn feckless!

Part of the problem is that Democrats aren’t shameless enough to pull the stunts that Trump pulls. (Republicans weren’t shameless enough, either — which is why Trump rolled them in 2016 — but they’ve learned fast!)

Anyway, while Trump’s chomping on the plastic* cherries, the hapless Democrats are sitting there reading the rule book, saying, “Now, Donald, you shouldn’t be eating the pieces, let me explain the game again,” but he’s not listening.

By then, he’s already left and he’s opened up “Hungry, Hungry Hippos” and he’s shoving the marbles up his nose. And so the helpless Democrats leave the table, trying to explain the rules of “Hi-Ho Cherry-O” again, and while they’re gone, Trump’s friends go through their wallets and steal their lunch money.

If you’re a Republican, there’s a real benefit to all of this chaos distraction and misdirection. While liberals and journalists are working themselves into a froth — “OMG WE’RE GONNA GO TO WAR WITH GREENLAND” — Republicans are busy undermining elections in North Carolina, nominating truly terrible people (possible Nazis in several cases) to government positions, and trying to block Trump’s past crimes from being made public.

To put it bluntly, since Trump craves attention, he’s the perfect distraction for the public and media. He will do or say anything to keep his name in the news, and if that means creating chaos that debases himself or the people around him, then he has no shame about creating chaos.

I was going to compare the Democrats to Margaret in “Dennis the Menace,” but Dennis had more self-control than this guy. He’s Cornholio and the Democrats are Tom Anderson.

Back to the thing about showers. A friend asked me Tuesday night, “Why is he so obsessed with water pressure?”

Well, I have an possible explanation, but it’s gross. Ready? Trump is well-known to be a germphobe. He hates shaking people’s hands and he hates using a toilet that someone else has used. It’s been documented that he eats fast food from big chain restaurants because he’s convinced it’s “safer” and less likely to have germs than other kinds of food. And it’s also been documented that as a result, Trump has problems with certain bodily functions.

Occam’s razor suggests the simple explanation is probably the right one. I think he’s obsessed with water pressure because he has trouble keeping himself clean. The once and future king has dingleberries.

OK, so why is he obsessed with Greenland all of a sudden? I’ve seen reports in Serious News Outlets suggesting that Trump thinks Greenland will be valuable due to climate change, or because it’s going to be part of a Northwest Passage once the polar ice cap melts, but that makes no sense to me. Do you really think Trump cares about climate change or plans that far ahead? Of course not.

Here’s what makes more sense to me: Someone suggested to me that he’s been looking at Mercator projection maps, which distort the land masses near the North Pole. On a Mercator-type map, Greenland looks huge and appears to be close to the United States.

Thus, we’re back to the simplest explanation: He wants Greenland because it looks big and if the United States took it he could add a bunch of territory to the United States and then he’d be important, like Thomas Jefferson and James Monroe.

Remember, it’s not 3D chess. It’s “Hungry, Hungry Hippos.” He isn’t a brilliant tactician; he’s Beavis on a sugar bender.

I’ll leave you with one more example, as if you need one.

Several people have pointed out that Trump keeps bringing up Hannibal Lecter in his speeches and they’re confused as to why. The best theory I’ve heard is that he apparently thinks “asylum seekers” are escapees from insane asylums. He doesn’t know that “asylum” has multiple meanings. Hannibal Lecter was in an asylum. Immigrants from Central America are seeking asylum.

And so meanwhile, we’ve now spent several minutes talking about water pressure and bathroom habits and Greenland and Hannibal Lecter.

Do you know what we haven’t been talking about? Amazon just paid the Trump family $40 million for the rights to Melania Trump’s life story.

FORTY MILLION DOLLARS.

Do you understand the method behind the madness yet?

If you do, you ought a see a doctor, because none of this is remotely healthy or normal, and the fact that you understand raises serious questions about your mental health. Just repeat after me, “person, man, woman, camera, TV … person, man, woman, camera, TV …. “

… it’s going to be an exhausting four years.

• Correction: I originally said that the cherries in “Hi Ho Cherry-O” were cardboard. They are, as any fule kno, made of plastic. Also, I said there would be four things to remember, but I only listed three. I wish I could say that was an elaborate joke, but no, I deleted something from the list and forgot to fix the intro.

I recently took Tube City Online off of X/Twitter after 15 years. We never got many incoming clicks from it anyway (Meta is a far better platform for our demographic) but I needed to make sure we had a Linktree, and I also had to move our Fediverse (Mastodon) account to a new server.

And then Elon Musk changed his X/Twitter name to a far-right, anti-semitic slur. That was the final straw, as if I needed one.

If you want to stay on X/Twitter, that’s up to you. But I was reminded of a famous story in broadcasting circles about a TV show called “Turn-On” that was literally cancelled while the first episode was airing, due to the number of complaints the network received.

One station manager sent a telegram to ABC: “If your naughty little boys have to write dirty words on the walls, please don’t use our walls.”

Journalists need to stop engaging on X/Twitter, and brands need to consider whether it’s worth having your messages and logos next to literal Nazi content.

Yes, of course your message on X/Twitter is clean, but you’re surrounded by naughty little boys writing slurs on your walls. Is it worth it? And is that really an audience you want to reach? I don’t.

And I know a lot of people think they’re part of a “Twitter resistance,” which is going to force the platform to return to civility.

You poor, sweet, summer children. Good luck with that. Watch out for snipe hunts and wallet inspectors.

Meanwhile: Meta/Facebook has announced that they’re going to stop fact-checking posts. (This comes as a shock to anyone who’s sifted through the sewer of misinformation on Facebook — they had fact-checkers? What have they been doing all day?)

Meta — which made a large cash donation to Trump’s inauguration — now says the fact-checking process is “politically biased,” which is another way of saying that right-wing misinformation is far more common on Facebook than left-wing misinformation, and so it needs to stop fact-checking, lest it run afoul of the new administration full of thin-skinned, vindictive bullies.

As a result of this change, Meta has warned that users may start seeing an increase in sexist, racist, violent and homophobic content on Facebook.

Again, I ask: How we will be able to tell the difference?

Meta defends these changes in the name of “free speech.” But Meta isn’t interested in free speech; try posting articles that criticize white supremacy or Facebook itself, and see how fast you get a notification that you’ve violated “community standards.”

Instead, Meta is inviting naughty little boys to write dirty words on its walls, as long as the dirty words don’t criticize Meta or its investors. Outrage is good for business; the madder you are at something you see on Facebook or Instagram, the more time you spend on Facebook or Instagram, having vicious but pointless arguments.

In what I’m sure is a coincidence, Meta has appointed Trump’s friend, the CEO of the Ultimate Fighting Championship, to its board of directors.

Social media is hitting the wall of diminishing returns everywhere. The platforms that work best are those with strong moderation and a lot of community control. The only social media platform I spend much time on these days is Mastodon, which has a fraction of the reach of Meta, I know, but it’s much more pleasant, and it gives me much more control over what I see. A lot of folks have gone to Bluesky, but they’ve already announced they’re going to start charging you for what you used to get for free.

It’s always been obvious that Meta, X, LinkedIn, Bluesky etc., don’t have their users’ best interests at heart; they’re just not bothering to hide it any more.

We are not their clients, we are their products, and they are using us up. When we’re no longer useful, they throw us in the trash.

Anyway. Apropos of nothing, in writing this entry, I had to look at a bunch of photos of Elon, and it occurred to me that if Peter Lorre were alive, he would have been a great choice to play Musk in a movie. He was just the right combination of whiny, fragile, creepy and paranoid.

I can hear him now at Mar-a-Lago, shouting, “You … you imbecile. You bloated idiot. You stupid fathead, you!”

Update: Rolling Stone and other outlets report that Musk has recently begun responding to his critics on X by calling them “r-tards.” Yeah. It’s dead. Not looking back.