News Item: Folk singer Bob Dylan has recorded a special version of Cole Porter’s “Don’t Fence Me In” for the upcoming movie about Ronald Reagan, titled “Reagan.” The film stars noted Donald Trump supporter Dennis Quaid as the title character, and the cast also includes Jon Voight, Kevin Sorbo, and Creed’s Scott Stapp as Frank Sinatra. Directed by Sean McNamara, Reagan hits theaters Aug. 30. (Spin, Stereogum)
As someone who lived through the Reagan years in Pittsburgh — and remembers well the taste of government cheese and the days of 25 percent unemployment and 12 percent inflation — I have no interest in seeing Dennis Quaid give the Gipper a two-hour cinematic hand-job.
If there were truly any justice in the world, Ronald Reagan’s name wouldn’t be on airports. Instead, his face would be on porta-johns.
Vas you dere, Cholly? I vas dere.
So let’s stipulate, first and foremost, that I would rather stop a moving airplane propeller with my face than see this movie.
It is nice to see that Kevin Sorbo is getting work. I assume he’s playing Bonzo the Chimp. Or maybe the back half of Reagan’s horse. I just wish there were roles for Scott Baio and Gina Carano, two of the greatest actors of our time.
Second, just how hard up for money is Bob Dylan — friend of the workingman, voice of the anti-war movement, poet of the proletariat — that he contributed a special song for the soundtrack of a movie about Ronald Freaking Reagan? A movie that is set to debut in the middle of a presidential election where the star is avidly pimping himself out for Donald Trump — and to be clear, whatever Reagan’s flaws, and they were many, he was Winston Churchill compared to Cheeto Benito — who has recently run commercials comparing himself to Ronald Reagan?
I don’t think it’s much of a stretch to say that recording a song especially for a movie about Ronald Reagan amounts to Bob Dylan lending his considerable fame and stature to a campaign commercial for Donald Trump, a man who opposes everything for which Bob Dylan supposedly stands.
Now, let’s be honest: The immensely talented Bob Dylan, unquestionably one of the greatest American songwriters of the past 100 years, if not all-time, has always been kind of a … well, a jagoff. Including to his most loyal fans. He seems to revel in sticking his finger into the eyes of his fans.
As jagoff moves toward your fans go, this is Top 10.
In case Bob reads this (I know he’s an avid listener) here are revised titles of some other songs he may want to re-record over the months ahead to better appeal to a MAGA audience.
No need to thank me; I live to serve.
Don’t Think Once, It’s Alt-Right
Subterranean Wealth Tax Blues
Positively Wall Street
Maggie’s Farm Subsidies
MAGA-Skin Red-Pill Hat
All Along the Border Wall
Stuck Inside Mar-a-Lago With the Golf Course Blues Again
This Climate is On Fire
Tax Shelter from the Storm
It’s Alright Ma, You’re Only Bleeding (From Your Back-Alley Abortion)
No changes will be needed to the titles of some other Dylan songs such as “Workingman’s Blues,” “Talkin’ John Birch Paranoid Blues,” and, of course, “Vomit Express.”