The lyrics to “You’re a Mean One, Jeffrey Romoff”

As heard on WRCT’s “Radio 9”: You’re a Mean One, Jeffrey Romoff (download MP3)

New lyrics copyright © 2011 Jay Thurber. A parody sung to the tune of “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch,” lyrics by Theodor “Dr. Seuss” Geisel and music by Albert Hague, © 1966 Dr. Seuss Enterprises LP, all rights reserved. (Song parodies are protected speech under the case Irving Berlin et al. v. E.C. Publications, Inc.)

You’re a mean one, Jeffrey Romoff:
And your soul is full of dross!
You’re a bully to your patients, to your nurses and your docs,
Mr. Romoff —
Why you’ve even made us feel sorry (almost) for Blue Cross!

You’re a tyrant, Jeffrey Romoff:
You’re a greedy, grabbing thug!
You brook no competition, and you crush it like a bug,
Mr. Romoff —
I would have to say, in my considered opinion, that you are about as attractive as a diarrhetic stinkbug!

You’re a scoundrel, Jeffrey Romoff:
You’ve put Pittsburghers in hock!
You built fancy new pavilions in Italy and Monroeville,
Mr. Romoff —
And then you went ahead, turned around and gave the finger to the poor, working-class slobs on the South Side and Braddock!

You’re annoying, Jeffrey Romoff;
You’re a cruel, conniving clown!
You’ve bought off the politicians, like you bought up Oakland-town,
Mr. Romoff —
Why, I find it very disappointing that you were able to corrupt Patrice King Brown!

You’re a tycoon, Jeffrey Romoff;
Who gets rich off others’ sweat!
Your collusion and coercion are putting us in debt,
Mr. Romoff —
And if you succeed in finally driving West Penn Allegheny out of business, my fear is that rather than having a primary care physician, all I will be able to afford instead of a checkup is a flea dip and a de-worming and maybe getting my toenails trimmed at the local vet!

You’re a monster, Jeffrey Romoff;
With a monstrous monopoly!
We need a man like Teddy Roosevelt to bust it down to size,
Mr. Romoff —
I would say the four letters that best describe the 99 percent being crushed by the 1 percent of corporate greed in Pittsburgh are U – P – M – C!

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